Looking for an agent

I’m looking for an agent for upcoming books, which I will describe solely as “not computer books.”

I have certain requirements.

General

The agent:

• Can be anywhere
• Has to be OK with an out gay writer and/or out gay subject matter and/or anything else “out gay” (though that shouldn’t be taken as an indication of the topic of forthcoming book[s])
• Can’t charge more than 15%
• Has to pay within 30 days of receiving funds from publishers, with no monkeying around

Specific

These requirements relate to my style of working and the kinds of books I am trying to write. The agent:

• Cannot have any degree of distaste for the use of E-mail as the prime means of communication and cannot insist on using the phone in first instance
• Must answer their own E-mail and not funnel communication through assistants
• Should be on instant messenging
• Should not be using the combination of Windows and IE6
• Cannot hold the belief, even secretly in the back of one’s mind, that the Internet and the Web are:
  • less important than or inimical to book publishing
  • useful only as a sales tool, and even then only through Amazon
  • not interesting to, or foreign or unfamiliar to, “average readers”
  • “for amateurs”
  • vehicles for piracy (corollary: one cannot believe that what happened to the music industry is likely to happen to the publishing industry)
• Cannot disdain electronic books in any manner or inhibit the distribution of E-books that do not use DRM (corollary: one must know what DRM is without having to look it up)

Credentials

I have additional specific requirements concerning credentials. Given my journalistic experience, existing published book, and near-decade of online publishing, the agent cannot:

• Assume I am a novice or greenhorn in any respect, including pretending I am a beginning writer or author (corollary: cannot settle for first-book advances and royalties)
• Assume that the fact my first book was a computer book is evidence I cannot write any other kind of book
• Assume my knowledge of typography and graphic design is not relevant
• Allow publishers to get away with any of the foregoing beliefs or assumptions

Attitude

The agent must have enough confidence to properly represent an author with a great deal of confidence.

Don’t bother with the obvious choice

If you’re tempted to suggest I sign on with the agent most classically associated with “online writers,” Kate Lee of ICM, be advised that I’ve tried that already and was dismissed out of hand.

Posted: 2007.05.10